Fun Phrases For Security At Legoland

1. I thought the bumper cars were going too fast, so I built a speed bump.
2. So I made a bathhouse out of Lincoln Logs.
3. I thought it would be a great time to reenact Godzilla Devours Denmark.
4. Like I was going to wait for the gift shop to pick up a souvenir.
5. I needed a restroom, so I built one.
6. So I assumed tinkering with my Tinker Toys was expected in Playland.
7. Now that it looks like a penis maybe the Eiffel Tower will finally live up to its name.
8. They never really proved I fed Mickey Mouse the rat poison.
9. Either stop staring at my erector set or ask me to dance.

(c) 2007: This comedy blog was written by the Quiet Comic: SUBSCRIBE
ID#: 076/07

H3Y BABE !!!...Cool myspace u got there [It must be, I've not gotten this letter more often than Dick Cheney gets kicked out of gun shops. How did you get Bush to back down on the whole stem cell issue so that the cloning process could begin?] I was just browsing people who live near me and found ya [I'm guessing you're not in Long Beach.] Feel free to add me to your M~S~N or A~I~M. I prefer M`S`N as A'I'M freezes on me so I may not get ur messages [Thanks, I was wondering when all the spamwhores who gave themselves classy names like Lustylicks would accompany me to the church picnic, day care and the company prom. I'll bring the Legos if you bring the wicker baskets and condoms.]...I jusst m0ved [Zero's not a vowel.] so try!ng [Neither is an exclamation mark] to meeet [No word in the English language has three Es in a row. I'm going to go out on a limb and say you were never a hooker on phonics.] sum [When you get your GED, you can master homophones instead of sexless men who's only chance of getting laid is masturbating in front of a screen and pretending the spamwhore on the other end wants them and not their credit card.] new people.. xoxox chat soon cutie xoxoxo Paris [I'm really sorry you broke up with Nichole but you might want to give up and get a job.]

Official Site: Shayne-Michael.COMedy: Features original humor dating back to 1989 and resources for comedians.

I just told him to shoot for the stars and the next day the Rolling Stones were dead.

How To Get Kicked Off The T-Ball Field

1. Tell the short stop the best way to stop a triple is to tackle the runner.
2. Convince the opposing team you're not supposed to use your hands.
3. Keep asking the catcher who manufactures his cup.
4. Secretly tie the baseball to the Tee.
5. Whenever a player steals a base read him his Miranda rights.
6. Pretend you see Hell's angles in the outfield.
7. Whenever you hear, "you're out!" look over at your wife and say kind of like the time I walked in on your double play with the opposing coach and last night's umpire. Someone really stole home that day. Now excuse me while I go warm up my wiener."

(c) 2007: This comedy blog was written by the Quiet Comic: SUBSCRIBE
ID#: 075/07

Official Site: Shayne-Michael.COMedy: Features original humor dating back to 1989 and resources for comedians.

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas; so bring your daughter back to Circus Circus right now.

How To Have Fun On April Fools Day

1. Go to an adult bookshop and ask the owner if he knows how to get to Sesame Street.
2. Ask a librarian for a private room and a small stack of magazine porn
3. Ask the pharmacist if using the nicotine patch as nipple tassels means you shouldn't breast feed.
4. Change a Clothing Store sign to a Clothing Optional Store sign.
5. Ask who wants to join you for some naked miniature golf.
6. Interpret the phrase lickity split as literally as possible.
7. Whenever someone asks what you're feeling reply, "Penis envy."
8. Buy some shears from Home Depot. Explain that you had been asked to trim the store’s rosebush. Then ask if you can speak to Rose.

(c) 2007: This comedy blog was written by the Quiet Comic: SUBSCRIBE
ID#: 073/07

New @ Shayne-Michael.COM: The New Sitcom Page: now allows you to rank the sitcom on originality, writing, comedy, cast and historical significance.

Official Site: Shayne-Michael.COMedy: Features original humor dating back to 1989 and resources for comedians.

I just assumed the chain letter was supposed to go the jewelry store.

Things To Say To The Stranger Next To You On The Ferris Wheel

1. And that's when I realized felt tip wasn't a double entendre for sexual relations with an ink manufacturer.
2. It's not easy being a bipolar, double-jointed circus clown.
3. Wow, you can hardly see the chalk outlines of the bodies from up here.
4. You have the most beautiful blue eyes. Can I borrow them?
5. So I say, "Fine! Dump me! But I'll have my revenge when I dump you, your family and your little dog too off the Golden Gate Bridge." Then I went straight back to the bake sale.
6. Don't tell me you recognize me from America's Most Wanted too…
7. I find danger incredibly sexy; here hold this crossbar from the safety latch.
8. I was a trapeze artist until my partner was thrown to his death.
9. Here's my Viagra. Now were did I put the clown suit, the balloon animals, and my big red rubber nose?

(c) 2007: This comedy blog was written by the Quiet Comic: SUBSCRIBE
ID#: 071/07

New @ Shayne-Michael.COM: TThe New Sitcom Page: now allows you to rank the sitcom on originality, writing, comedy, cast and historical significance.

Ten Reasons A Woman Is Better Than A Rabid Raccoon:
Counter point to a list with the opposite title…

Official Site: Shayne-Michael.COMedy: Features original humor dating back to 1989 and resources for comedians.

About this relationship sir, I just put in a transfer request with the human resources department.