Seven Things I Learned In College, & A Few Since

1. Community college will admit anyone whose check clears.
2. A BA degree has a whole lot in common with the proverbial BS.
3. The worst teachers often have 300 people in one class.
4. At 8am, there will be more cars in your parking structure than there are parking spaces.
5. A liberal arts major is another just word for permanently undecided.
6. Curves only exist in Calculus.
7. Graduation is usually followed by the phrase, "Now what?"
8. If college was affordable there would be a whole lot less bike racks.
9. Odds are that your psychology instructor is nuts, your sociology teacher doesn't do well in groups and your philosophy teacher became a philosopher after ODing on pot.

(c) 2007: This comedy blog was written by the Quiet Comic: SUBSCRIBE
ID#: 069/07

New @ Shayne-Michael.COM: The David Letterman Biography. The New Sitcom Page: I took some direction from IMDB, and built the popular character elimination game into the cast of each sitcom. To see it in action click on Details. Then cast. Then click on the + to vote for a character and the - to vote against a character. Stand-up comics, comic actors, mp3, video and midi clips can now be ranked.

Official Site: Shayne-Michael.COMedy: Features original humor dating back to 1989 and resources for comedians.

I've decided the murder-suicide plot wasn't good for either of us.

MySpace Spam

All the girls out there are totally lying when they tell you that size does not matter. Want proof? Not really. I am telling you this because it is the honest truth, look I should know, they say that it is all in the way you use it, not how big it is, well I got news for you all, that is pure lies. Girls lie? Since when? I know from personal experience, I will tell you about a secret that Joey [Ah Joey… Ask my old friend how the Herpes is holding up. You do know that you can be a carrier without symptoms. I know that because of all the other comments that have nothing to do with my profile that I keep blocking] has made me promise to never ever tell anyone, but since he has not called me in three weeks after standing me up, I am going to break the promise and tell you how [Any chance of you keeping this promise not to tell me this story? This is the 9^th time I've rejected this comment.] he went from having a tiny wang What is a wang? A penis you'd find in Bejing? and in 4 months he is now about nine inches and get this, it is still getting bigger [You do realize that a woman who sees King Kong walk by isn't thinking, my God I wonder if I couldn't knock off Fay Wray and be that monkey's bitch. There's advantages to dating the Thin Man, unless you happen to have a Vagina the size of the Grand Canyon. And quite frankly someone who fit's that description belongs in a circus, not a singles bar. Hey daddy look at the giant pussy by the tiger exhibit] He has been secretly taking grow pills from this site, copy and paste the address into your browser to see them. DEMHS.COM [It must be a really great site if you didn't even bother to create the simple code for a link. Either that or the blood going to your penis is diverting the oxygen from you brain. That also, by the way would explain the penis growth. Generally speaking when a man gets aroused… Why am I trying to tell you this, anyone dumb enough to try getting rich posting MySpace spam isn't going to understand simple biology.] I found out when I was at his house, three fridays ago [That would explain why you started posting this crap four months ago. Can I borrow your time machine, go back to November 12^th, 1955 and prevent your parents from falling in love, thus halting the event of your birth. I promise it will be painless; mostly], we were getting ready to go to the mall, so while he was in the shower, I went in his room, sneeked under his bed and found a box with pill bottles in it, there was like 9 full bottles and 4 empty ones, all ordered from DEMHS.COM I was laughing at first but then when he came in the room and caught me looking at them, he freaked out and made me sware [Here I have the chose between taking medical advice from someone who can't spell swear and someone who steals pills from a shoe box under his friend's bed. Have you by any chance given yourself a lobotomy lately. I have this office pool that says you have and $25 is riding on a yes.] to not ever tell anyone about them, especially girls from school or work that he has been dating for the past while [you would think the girls he's dating would notice a pharmacy labeled be a bigger dick stashed under his bed], now that I think of it, he has been rather busy with all the popular girls around here, when just last year he was the shyest when it came to girls. I just never put two and two together [I'm having trouble visualizing you put two and two together without a calculator] until he explained it all to me, I did see his prick [there's something very disconcerting about you referring to it as his prick] and yes, it is huge, pronostar [What the hell is a pronstar, a sailor that screws mermaids with his genetically engineered trident?] huge, the thickest and longest one I ever seen [You describe your friend's penis with way too much nostalgia and affection, is this the San Francisco version of Candid Camera?]
I know this sounds really shallow, but I am considering ordering 6 bottles from the website at DEMHS.COM [] for you know who he does not have a myspace account [Isn't it funny how spammers say they never have a MySpace account?], so he is not gonna see this. They guarentee that the pills will work on any man, or they give you your money back [And just how do you enforce that refund policy. Is someone from the company going to hold a tape measure up to my member before I order and after I down the dosage? Yes, I can see a lot of men dropping trou and saying, look at these pathetic results give me back my money so I can start feeling like a real man.], living proof that they do work on any guy, seeing is believing. DEMHS.COM: G33930817 [I hope that's the self destruct sequence to your not existent MySpace account because I really don't feel like saying no to this comment again.]

Good Excuses For Failure To Pay Back Credit Card Debt

1. I'm working with Master Card to bankrupt Visa.
2. It's a Discover Card, and I just discovered I can't pay.
3. If you'd stop telling me "Don't leave home without it," I wouldn't have so much debt to repay.
4. I just assumed a revolving credit line meant eventually you'd pass the debt on to someone else.
5. I told you giving a Diners Club Card to someone who comforts himself with food was a bad business model.
6. You mean this was a loan and not a gift? Anything else you want to tell me about the fine print.
7. I was going to rob Peter to pay Paul but they got together and mugged me before I had a chance.
8. Instead of paying you back could I give you some of my frequent flyer miles?
   If I can't, would you at least wait until I fly out of the country?
9. When my wife divorces me she gets half of everything, so up until that paperwork clears, I'm okay with massive debt. 

(c) 2007: This comedy blog was written by the Quiet Comic: SUBSCRIBE
ID#: 067/07

New @ Shayne-Michael.COM: The New Sitcom Page: I took some direction from IMDB, and built the popular character elimination game into the cast of each sitcom. To see it in action click on Details. Then cast. Then click on the + to vote for a character and the - to vote against a character. Stand-up comics, comic actors, mp3, video and midi clips can now be ranked.

Official Site: Shayne-Michael.COMedy: Features original humor dating back to 1989 and resources for comedians.

Eugene, Sumo Wrestling is a hobby, not a career…